How to Help Someone With Bulimia

How do you help someone with bulimia? Eating disorders like bulimia are, to say the least, difficult. Battling bulimia can leave a person feeling caught up in a relentless cycle of guilt and shame, and when someone you love is caught up in the struggle, the pain can become two-fold. Your first instinct might be wanting to help, but like many people, you might not even be sure of what to do or who to turn to. At some point, you might even feel like there’s nothing you can do, afraid you might just make things worse.

The truth is, helping someone with bulimia isn't about trying to solve their problems or offering quick solutions. It's about being there for them, providing support without judgment, and understanding that the road to recovery is something they have to choose for themselves.

Bulimia, like all eating disorders, runs deeper than food. It’s often an outlet for deeper emotional pain, like feelings of self-doubt, worthlessness, shame, and distress that need expelling in one way or another. The binge-purge cycle can become this “emotional purge,” a way to cope with feelings that feel too overwhelming to deal with in other ways. 

Those with bulimia know it's harmful, but breaking free isn’t as simple as just deciding to stop. For someone who loves them, it’s frustrating to feel powerless, but first learning more about what they’re going through can make all the difference.

What Is Bulimia?

While bulimia has visible, physical symptoms, focusing solely on what you can see misses the bigger picture. Bulimia nervosa is a serious mental health disorder, not just a physical one. However, to understand how to help someone with bulimia, it’s important to first understand what they’re going through so you don’t react out of alarm or panic. 

If you respond with shock or fear, even unintentionally, you might hurt them more and distance themselves away from you. Remember, bulimia itself may be frightening, but the person you love dealing with it is not. Getting familiar with the outward behaviors first will help you fully grasp the challenges they’re facing.

A major component of bulimia is the binge-purge cycle. On its face, the binge-purge cycle describes a routine, cyclical behavior of eating, often to the extreme, and then purging, most commonly by vomiting, to reduce the impact of the binge. 

During a binge, a person may consume far more food than they normally would, often feeling unable to stop themselves even if they are aware they’ve reached their limit. Afterward, they may try to "fix" it by vomiting, taking laxatives, or over-exercising to avoid gaining weight. While this might bring temporary relief, it usually leaves them feeling ashamed and guilty, which keeps the cycle going.

How to Help Someone With Bulimia: Warning Signs 

Recognizing the signs of bulimia is crucial if you want to help someone with bulimia. It can be hard to spot, as people with eating disorders often work hard to keep their behaviors hidden. Still, there are some warning signs to look out for:

• Frequent trips to the bathroom: If someone often heads to the bathroom right after eating, it could be a sign of purging behavior. This becomes especially worrying if it happens regularly after meals.

• Weight changes: Not everyone with bulimia experiences major weight changes, but others may have noticeable fluctuations because of the binge-purge cycle.

• Unusual eating habits: You might notice them eating in secret, stockpiling and quickly consuming large amounts of food, or constantly focusing on food or dieting.

• Physical signs: Things like sore throats, dental issues, swollen glands in the face, or hands with cuts or callouses can be indicators of bulimia.

• Emotional signs: Having anxiety about food, pulling away from social situations, or being overly focused on their body size are all common emotional signs that someone might be struggling.

Supporting Someone with Bulimia

Supporting someone with bulimia can be incredibly difficult because, as much as you might want to help, you can’t force recovery. Your role is to show up as a friend, a sibling, an ally, or a trusted confidant. It’s important to understand that the person facing bulimia needs to take control of their own recovery, finding their own reasons to break the cycle. 

External pressure, as we talked about in another of our articles, will only give you so much momentum and motivation in recovery. It can push someone to act in the short term, but long-term recovery must be driven by an intrinsic, personal, fundamentally deeper “want” to recover.

Pressure from friends or family may only result in face-value behavioral changes, or worse, force them to hide their struggle and pain even further. Real, lasting recovery comes from within. The person struggling with bulimia must want to get better for themselves, not because someone else told them to. 

The motivation to recover can come from many different places: wanting to feel healthier, regain a sense of control, enjoy life more fully, or simply being done with the physical and emotional exhaustion that comes with bulimia. As a loved one, your job isn’t to define that motivation for them but to support them as they find it at their own pace.

If you want to know how to help someone with bulimia, here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. You Can’t Put a Timetable On Recovery

As much as you care about your loved one, the decision to seek help or to recover has to come from them. Pushing someone before they’re ready or placing your own expectations on them can backfire. Since bulimia is often linked to a need for control, taking away their sense of autonomy can make things worse. Instead, focus on being a supportive, non-judgmental presence in their life.

2. Listen Unconditionally and Without Judgment

One of the best ways to support someone with bulimia is just by listening. Creating a safe space for them to open up without fear of judgment can be a gamechanger for their trust and self-esteem. If they trust you enough to talk about their struggles, don’t respond by offering solutions or advice unless they specifically ask for it. In times like this, listening is more important. 

If you want to show that you’re there for them, try asking questions that show you care like:  

• "How are you feeling?"  

• "What do you think triggered this?"  

• "Do you want to talk about it?"  

By showing empathy and care, you let them know that you're there for them, no matter what.

3. Avoid Triggering Situations

Bulimia can often be triggered by certain environments, especially those centered around food. If you know someone is struggling with it, try to steer clear of social events that revolve around eating. This might mean skipping dinner plans and coffee shops as ideas for a hangout. For many people in recovery, the social pressure surrounding food is a huge challenge. Offering alternatives to food-centric hangouts shows that you understand and respect their boundaries. 

4. Have Compassion

If the person shares with you that they’ve had an episode, be aware of your reaction. Making a negative comment about what they’re doing may only push them further into shame and silence. They are likely already very aware of the toll it’s taking, both physically and emotionally. Instead, respond with compassion and empathy. Acknowledge their feelings and ask if they want to talk about what triggered the behavior, but don’t force them to discuss it if they’re not ready.

Shaming or criticizing someone for their disordered eating only intensifies their feelings of guilt and isolation. Your goal is to be someone they can trust and confide in, not someone they feel they have to hide from.

Other Tips for How to Help Someone With Bulimia

• Avoid offering food or inviting them to food-based activities; if they're hungry, they’ll ask.

• If they’re having a hard time resisting the urge, keep snacks or junk food out of sight to avoid triggering a binge.

• Suggest non-food-related activities like walking, painting, or watching a movie when you get together.

• Be a good listener, allowing them to share their struggles without trying to "fix" the situation–just offer empathy.

• If they’ve binged or purged, avoid shaming or lecturing; instead, ask how they’re feeling and if they want to talk about what triggered it.

• Respect their recovery journey, understanding that it may be non-linear, and support them without expecting perfection.

Understanding how to help someone with bulimia isn’t about solving their problem for them. It’s about being a source of support, kindness, and understanding. You can’t force someone to recover if they’re not ready, but you can be there to offer a shoulder to lean on and a listening ear. Recovery from bulimia is a deeply personal journey, and your role is to stand by their side without judgment, offering empathy and patience as they navigate their path to healing.

With Peace,

Whitney Chase

Whitney Chase is the Writer and Content Manager for Sarah Lee of Sarah Lee Recovery. She holds her degree in Psychology from Georgia State and has a strong passion for the mental health field, writing, and advocacy work.

Posted on September 23rd, 2024.

Struggling with Bulimia? Take advantage of our private, affordable self-pay course that is available wherever and whenever you are. Sign up now to get a free 60-minute 1:1 session. Click Here.